An Open Letter to Bleeding Hearts

Thoughts from an observer

The word ‘discernment’ is used a lot on social media, and like all words, its meaning ebbs and flows with connotation. Lately, I’ve heard it used by deconstructionist creators when referring to the practice of, essentially, not being duped by manipulative people. 

According to Webster, discernment is the quality of being able to grasp and comprehend what is obscure, an act of perceiving or discerning something. Wikipedia says it’s the “ability to perceive, understand, and judge things clearly, especially those that are not obvious or straightforward.” Christianity builds on this definition to describe it as “a virtue, possessing wisdom, to be of good judgment, especially so with regard to subject matter often overlooked by others.” In fact, the internet pulls up several religious sites proclaiming ways to practice their version of discernment by aligning yourself with God’s will. 

So what the does discernment actually mean? 

If you Google the word (Google pulls from Oxford), it simply says: the ability to judge well. But how does one know if they are judging well? 

Existing in a country where there are two very distinct, opposing sides of thought is no picnic, especially having the most radical voices, the loudest. Both sides rely on their followers to practice a form of discernment that aligns with their respective mandated values. They encourage this by playing on the natural sympathy and emotion of humans (“think of the children—the innocent babies!”) and belittling the opposing side. They utilize these tactics because not only do they work, but they are perpetuated by their followers as these tactics multiply within their own personal circles. 

You see this most clearly played out on social media, where every human can create and use their own ‘platform’ to spread whatever ideas they wish. While this could be considered a great stride as far as human development (it’s like the Roman forum multiplied by a billion), what we have created is two sides in constant opposition, clashing openly before us. And everyone gets caught in the crossfire. While earlier forms of technology, such as radio or television, had us tuning in at a specific time to hear about current events from one consolidated news source, we are now force-fed news, politics, and the like from the moment we open our eyes and scroll, to the moment we scroll to pass out. We are rage-baited, outrage-farmed, and manipulated all from our own personal media devices. 

It’s wild when you actually stop to think about it. 

As a survivor of narcissist abuse who has had to unpack quite a bit of programming from childhood, I often practice honing my own discernment skills. Most recently, it has been by taking my energy back by way of controlling what media I consume and when. Don’t get me wrong—my youth was spent spinning in circles, trying to find ways to ‘save the world.’ I have a core instinct to want to save/heal everyone and anyone I can. It took me a lot of wasted energy and a nervous breakdown or two to understand that I can only do what I can do. My reach is limited, and my impression on others is finite, and I have to focus on what is in front of me first. This includes accepting and honoring how precious my energy is. It means taking responsibility for where I apply it. 

Both sides treat this with disdain: you either display toxic positivity and privilege, or you are a weak little snowflake. But no one is saying to ignore or bow down to the awful things happening in the world. I’m saying trust and use discernment to discover the best way to utilize your energy. 

In real life, I spend a lot of time working with addicts/alcoholics; in the online world, I work with many creatives. They intersect at times, but both groups can easily find themselves spinning their wheels, positively drowning in negativity. We let ourselves become controlled by what is happening around us, letting others determine our mental health for the day. Our writing slows, our usefulness is halted… and for the addicts, if left unchecked, they resume the destructive path that harms themselves and others. 

So what to do?

Unfortunately, I don’t have all the answers. I am not the end-all/be-all. I don’t want to be. But I am perpetually the observer, watching how discernment, or lack thereof, wreaks havoc all around us. And I am always trying to find ways to help my fellow man.

In essence, I am not a bad person for protecting my energy. I am not a bad person for wanting to avoid psychic vampires who feed off my pain. I am no less compassionate of a human by shutting out the noise at times. 

And neither are you. 

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