On Writing (Chaotically)

Thoughts from a chaotic pantser.

I cannot write linearly.

Let’s be honest—I can’t do anything linearly. It took me birthing and becoming an advocate for my ADHD son to realize that the apple did not fall far from the tree. I am the mom who takes notes only to forget where she wrote the note, who starts vacuuming one room and abruptly stops to fold laundry. In my house, we are all constantly reminding each other of things we will still collectively forget. 

When it comes to writing, I have to trust my chaos.

There is no plotting for me. My brain works fast, and if I don’t keep up, I will forget. When I sit down to create with a loose idea, my imagination clicks on, and the story tells itself. Often, my fingers can’t keep up, and I have to leave a sentence half-written to jump to the next paragraph, or I’ll forget the idea. Sometimes I bounce between chapters. If you stood over my shoulder right now, you’d see I jumped around this paragraph about five times so far. I will edit, revise, add, and jump while writing until I finally create something that makes sense. Well, that I hope makes sense.

Writing is my way of taking my scattered mind and imagination and delivering it to you in a neatly packaged bow so you can (hopefully) understand me. 

I am what you would call a pantser—I start writing, and the plot eventually reveals itself. But I have to be careful here. One of the critiques I got from my trilogy was there were so many plotlines to contend with that it made the first book challenging to read. I realize it was highly ambitious to write a story that spanned centuries and cultures, weaving together different mythologies from around the globe. But that is my mind; I studied history as an undergrad, not only because it tells the best stories but because I am utterly obsessed with finding connecting threads throughout time. 

That being said, writing concerns communication between the author and the reader. I don’t want to write things that people get frustrated with. I spent hours trying to ensure there weren’t any plotholes in The Ancient Ones just to have people lose the damn plot. And just because I love using grandiose, ostentatious words that drip pomposity and grandiloquence doesn’t mean they’re everyone’s cup of tea.

Writing is about finding that sweet spot between honoring myself as a scatterbrained logophile and giving readers something they’ll love. 

I am forever indebted to those who came before me, who gave me hours of joy as a child nestled in a library or under an oak tree in the park. I needed an escape, and they provided, taking me along to the other worlds that exist within their minds. I want to give back, and I can’t exactly do that if I make it impossible for anyone to keep up. 

Editing others’ work has helped me tremendously here. Writers often get away from themselves during the storytelling process, which is why revisions are so necessary. I offer no blame here; my thoughts get away from me too. So many writers would benefit from giving their stories a good read or two or ten before submitting. There’s only so much an editor can do if we have no idea what you mean. 

I have heard there are these mysterious alien-like folks who can sit down, draft an outline, and write something straightforward. I can’t wrap my brain around that, but whatever works. Plotters and pantsers are destined to forever give each other the side-eye. But that is the beauty of writing. Whatever the process, the magic of creativity is present on the page.

And that is the most important thing.

---